Supporting your child’s sleep during a move: attachment-focused tips for parents
Let me tell you – moving in your twenties is one thing, but moving in your thirties with two kids, far away from family and with all your accumulated stuff, is a whole other ball game. Whether it’s down the street or on another continent – it is an exciting yet stressful experience for the whole family. While you have to pack all your things, arrange for transportation, set up new utilities and do about a million other things, thinking about your child’s sleep is probably last on your list. But it’s helpful to be proactive on that front, because for babies and toddlers, this transition can be challenging, leading to stress and sleep disruptions at some point.
My family just went through a big move and I’m sharing with you some tips and reminders that might be helpful as you start fresh in a new place. While you can’t control all of the stressful things a move inevitably introduces into your life, you can support your child as they adjust to this big change and as a result get more sleep for the whole family.
Why moving affects your child’s sleep
When you move homes, many things your child once relied on suddenly change: their room, their neighborhood, their school or daycare, their caregivers, their friends, perhaps the food they eat or the climate, the sounds they’re used to hearing and their daily routines. When so many things change at once, it creates uncertainty and stress, making them wonder, what else will change? Will my parents still be there? Will they still take care of me as before? This uncertainty and stress can trigger sleep disturbances, including more frequent night wakings, earlier mornings, difficulty falling asleep, challenges sleeping on their own, etc. This behavior is normal during a big change, but there’s a lot you can do to make the transition easier for your little one.
Attachment is key during transitions
Attachment (the parent-child bond) plays a crucial role in helping babies feel safe and secure. If a child feels that their caregiver will take care of them and respond consistently no matter the situation or time of day, they feel safe enough to relax and drift off to sleep. Otherwise, they will not rest until they feel that their caregiver will be there physically and emotionally. So when you move, the key is to maintain your child’s sense of security, even as everything else changes. YOU are their rock.
What you can do to help your child sleep better during a move:
1. Maintain familiar routines during the day and at night
Routines provide comfort and security because the child knows what’s going to happen. During a time of change, keep as many routines as you can. Always go for a walk after dinner? Keep doing that. Always read two books at bedtime? Keep doing that. Always do bath, brush teeth, PJs in that order? Keep doing that. This will help your child feel safe, as well as continue to signal transitions, like bedtime and naptime.
For our family, once we got to our new town, we kept our main routines in place, but we did shift bedtime later so we could spend more time as a family relaxing and connecting at new parks in our neighborhood after a busy day of getting things done. This shifted the wake up later, but given the circumstances, the additional time together was well worth it.
2. Create a familiar, cozy sleep space
While their new room may look different, try to make your baby’s sleep space feel cozy and familiar. If possible, use their usual bedding, a favorite blanket, or even a familiar stuffed animal. Don’t forget about all the senses – familiar smells (i.e., your smell), textures, same dim lighting/blackout curtains, same white noise, etc.
Most of our kids’ bedding and bedroom toys had been in storage or transit for a few months, so taking it all out of the box was so comforting and joyful for our little ones.
3. Offer extra comfort and reassurance
As discussed above, children may seek extra connection and reassurance during a move. It’s normal for them to want more snuggling, playing or reading stories, especially at bedtime. Respond to their needs with patience and gentle comfort to help them feel safe and secure.
In my case, since my children are a bit older, a lot of the connection happens by patiently answering all of their questions about our new town and wondering about all the novelties we’re encountering together. It’s fun to see our new home through their curious eyes and we end the day with kids in our laps, reading for a little longer than usual. Oh and my youngest, who is usually an independent sleeper, asked me to stay until he fell asleep the first night in our new house, but after that it was back to normal.
4. Acknowledge their feelings and be patient
Even though your baby may not have the words to express it, they might feel unsettled or anxious about the changes. Validate their feelings with calm, reassuring words like, “I know this is different, but I’m here with you and we will get through this together.” If you have a verbal child, they might be more vocal voicing their displeasure, “I hate this, I don’t want to move, you are the worst parents”. While that’s hard to hear as a parent, the strategy remains the same – making space for their feelings, listening, acknowledging this is a hard change and not shutting them down. When their feelings have an outlet, eventually they will accept the change and adjust.
Our older child talked and cried a lot – for months – about all the reasons she didn’t want to move, and we listened and validated. By the time we got here, she was excited and curious about our new place. In contrast, our younger child was carefree in the time coming up to the move, but started feeling sad and missing our old home once we got to the new house. Your child’s temperament will play a big role in how they weather the change, but eventually they will adapt to the transition with your support.
5. Communicate in advance if possible
Studies have shown that talking to babies and children about a change in advance can help them navigate the change easier. Whether you have a baby or a toddler, talk to them about the change well in advance. In a calm and reassuring tone, tell them about what’s going to happen, what will change and stay the same, and what they can expect at the new home. Even if babies can’t understand every word, they will sense your caring tone and you will strengthen attachment through this attuned narration.
Our move took about six months to execute, and we started talking to our kids about it right away and consistently. At every opportunity possible, we would bring up how at our new place certain things will be better, and describe all the wonderful activities and experiences we could have together, and showed them pictures and videos of what to expect. Little by little, they started being curious and open to this new phase.
Above all, this comes back to adjusting YOUR expectations. When you can anticipate your child’s challenging but normal behavior during a big change, you can be better prepared to respond and prevent challenges. It’s normal for babies and children to experience sleep disruptions during a move. But with your patience, consistency and support, they’ll adjust in time. Remember – they are fully dependent on you for survival, so when a big move makes you stressed or tired, they also worry about what’s coming and they need your presence and attention to regulate themselves.
If you need personalized guidance during this transition, I’m here to help. As a holistic sleep coach I specialize in gentle, attachment-focused strategies that prioritize your child’s emotional and developmental needs – without limiting comfort at any point.
Reach out for a free discovery call to see how we can work together for better sleep without sleep training.
Wishing you rest and joy,
Sasha